


FOR ME.

by tsundoroki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuaka - Freeform, KuroAka - Freeform, KuroAkaa, Light Angst, M/M, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 20:50:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8815840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsundoroki/pseuds/tsundoroki
Summary: A PROMISE OF A LIFETIME.





	

####  SOMEDAY 

 

 

There was something off about silence when the last thing he remembered was laughter. It still rung in his ears, a sound so comforting and warming, and Kuroo blinked slow because his head hurt and he didn't know if the hurting was from stress or the sight of a boy laying on a hospital bed and how sick he looked when the blanket slid off his mouth. Just about everything seemed out of place, like how there were needles in the sleeping boy's arms and how his veins popped out and they were blue. 

 

Kuroo had cursed, going as far as punching his thigh to let off some of his anger and despair, and he just knew that from that day on things weren't going to be the same again. His hands were shaking and his were eyes dull and it was like the floor crumbled beneath him as he pushed himself up to walk to the door, pulling it open because there was a soft knock and he already knew who it was. 

 

The clouds had been thick that day, and Kuroo's face matched the feel they gave off, too pale and too sad. He was shaking to the point where he had to grab his own wrist so he could properly close the door, a faint smile on his face. Hospitals had always made him feel anxious. 

 

And he, the new visitor, was too pale as well, muttering a quiet 'hi' and he didn't question his boyfriend sleeping on the bed and all the worrysome machines attached to him, he only drew out a long breath and sat down next to Kuroo, head low. 

 

"Is he doing any better?" He asked. He unzipped his coat and Kuroo's mouth fell open a little, because he looked really pretty, and he had to admit that in that moment he felt it in his chest, the rapid beating of his heart and the lack of air, but the boy looked worn out, dark bags under his half-lidded eyes and his hands gripping his bag. So Kuroo felt stupid and guilty. How could he even think like that when the third person in the room (who was the beauty's boyfriend), whom they were there for in the first place, was battling his illness and looked horrible and sick? 

 

"I'm sorry, Akaashi," Kuroo looked up at him, "I don't know."

 

"It's fine, Kuroo-san." Akaashi shook his head, holding the same look in his eyes except his eyes were less dull and more alert than Kuroo's. Kuroo wondered how he managed to even sleep at night. "I think he will be fine. He’s really strong, after all."

 

"But will you?" 

 

Kuroo nodded timidly, unable to contain a small smile when Akaashi didn't seem to believe him and opened his bag to pull out a water bottle, Kuroo looking just as horrible as the boy on the bed did. The least Akaashi could do was to make sure he stayed hydrated. He placed it on Kuroo's palm. It was a little awkward and too quiet, Kuroo's hands still shaking and Akaashi shooting him a worried smile and placing his hand on the shaking arm, until a certain someone in the corners of their eyes sat up. 

 

"Keiji!" 

 

They both kind of gasped, heads turning to the bed swiftly. "Bokuto-san, please lay down." Akaashi got up and rushed over to the hospital bed, the boy on it seeming to be in shock at his boyfriend's reaction as he just woke up and Kuroo had to swallow hard, "How are you feeling?" Kuroo asked worriedly.

 

"I feel a lot better!" Bokuto exclaimed, peeling Akaashi's hands that tried to push him down off his shoulders and pulling him into a hug instead, "Where were you?"

 

Kuroo tapped his foot, straightened up, and took a moment to get used to Bokuto's sudden voice that seemed to fix the unpleasant atmosphere in an instant, the water bottle still in his hands. And shit, when he looked at his two friends hugging in front of him, small movements like hands rubbing one another's back frenzied with affection and love, he cursed himself, because there was this pain in his ribs and Kuroo slumped in his chair. It was in that moment that all the exhaustion and sadness and stress and pain came down on him in torrents like a spring thunderstorm, all at once and right there in the middle of a hospital room with sterilizing-stuff scented air flowing through his throat. Fucking hell.

 

So when he looked up again, he was surprised to see that Akaashi was gone, getting drinks in the cafeteria, and Bokuto sat there with his well known smile that was just as bright as it always had been, with a little pride. 

 

"Hey hey, Kuroo, I have a favor to ask you."

 

"Uhm... Bokuto, Akaashi won't allow me to sneak in meat for you, if that's it."

 

They then laughed, a moment of pure happiness, just like the times they spent outside the hospital, before Kuroo joined him on the hospital bed, the morning bound to become something more than grey clouds and fake laughs. The conversation went from Kuroo promising to Bokuto insisting to have a barbecue once he got out of there, because he could feel it, he could feel that he was going to get better. 

 

And Kuroo had felt happy and warm. So when Bokuto had started to feel unwell, eyes hanging and breaths heavy, Kuroo wanted to get a nurse as quick as possible, because he didn't want moments like those to stop taking place anytime soon whether they were in a hospital room or in the gymnasium. But a hand wrapping around his wrist had made the lanky boy sit back down. 

 

"I'm fine." 

 

They both knew he wasn't.

 

It would be alright, Kuroo guessed, because Bokuto layed down calmly and he smiled as he did so, his hand letting go of Kuroo's wrist and they laughed again. They discussed the barbecue and they didn't stop when Akaashi walked back in and Kuroo's eyes twinkled a little, because all of it, Akaashi spilling the hot chocolate on the bed and Bokuto throwing up, it was okay.

 

 

####  IF I'M NOT THERE ANYMORE 

 

 

It wasn't okay.

 

The long beep on the monitor, Kuroo didn't want to cry, he had done it plenty of times the past few weeks, but it still fucking hurt to admit that he saw it coming from a mile away. He had accepted and repeated it for quite some time now, that not everyone stayed around, that things, people, fell apart and you would have to deal with it and do things with your life, for them. So Kuroo took the moments he had with the people he loved to heart, because there was going to be a time he was going to look back at them and remember them and smile. 

 

But Akaashi wasn't as accepting, didn't come out of his room, a grieving teenager isolating himself from everyone, and six months later the air was cold and snow had started to fall come the time of winter, and Kuroo would be lying if he said that the winter was just as enchanting as it was every other year when Bokuto and Akaashi were in it. Kuroo didn't know if he wanted to try to come by Akaashi's house once more (he probably wouldn't come out of his bedroom), but Akaashi needed him, and in the moments in which he received short texts from the second year setter Kuroo hated to realise that he was all Akaashi had besides family and his team, because Bokuto had fallen. 

 

 

####  PLEASE 

 

 

 

Kuroo's eyes trailed from the snow, the sky settling around the town painted a midnight blue with brilliant specks of white lights. The cemetery was deserted, a lone boy driven by insomnia and grief, a feeling of hope clenching his heart and he let out something that sounded like a choked sob. There were no tears. 

 

His gaze fell on a gravestone, the name carved into it one he wouldn't dare to forget, and all the air rushed into his lungs, sharp breaths. His mind wandered to Akaashi, how he looked at the funeral and how he refused to speak when it was his turn to read his eulogy six months ago. It had been six months. Kuroo hadn't seen him ever since then and it worried him lots, a frown and crease appearing on his face too troubled, because if Akaashi were to do something stupid Kuroo wouldn't be sure what to do, hell, he was clueless already. Akaashi simply meant a lot to Kuroo, he was the secret reason behind the butterflies and the rush, Kuroo had always had a thing for the pretty setter. 

 

Bokuto wouldn't forgive him if he would let Akaashi be. 

 

Kuroo shrugged, it was late, he couldn't do anything as of that moment and he figured that he could check up on him the next morning, so he just relaxed and sat down in front of his best friend's grave, not flinching one bit when the snow wet his behind.

 

"Bokuto..." Kuroo grinned bitterly, shaking his head, "Where are you when we need you?"

 

"Really.. Your parents are broken and- and the team is devastated and... Keiji, he is lost without you. He's not the same anymore, he hasn't been outside in months because of you, you know? I'm not the same either, tch, did you really have to die? Even Kenma gets clueless as to what to do with me at times, but it's fine because he's always been awkward..." Kuroo wiped away a single tear.

 

"You've left us behind so suddenly and I was really happy because you're not suffering anymore, but the suffering has been passed to me and I am not as strong as you are and maybe, maybe, I miss you? No, actually, I... I miss you, Bokuto. And I miss Keiji, how he used to be, but I can't blame him, he really loved you, dumbass. Oh, I forgot, that promise I made you, I haven't been able to do anything yet. So, uhm, I'm sorry."

 

At this point, Kuroo had tears streaming down his face, but he was smiling and it was real and sincere. The stars were bright and the moon was low and it all felt so right and he relished in the moment, careful not to make the feeling disappear, but there were footsteps and Kuroo gasped.

 

"Kuroo-san?" 

 

Kuroo wiped his tears in a swift movement, whipping his head around to lock eyes with none other than Akaashi Keiji, in the flesh, with red cheeks from the cold (and crying) and an envelope in his hand. 

 

"K-Keiji?"

 

He didn't respond. So without a word, Kuroo looked forward again, and Akaashi sat down next to him. Akaashi didn't say anything but 'Bokuto-san' and Kuroo wildly guessed he wanted to be left alone, alone with Bokuto, so quickly, he pushed himself up, only to be pulled back by a hand on his sleeve. 

 

"Kuroo-san, please stay."

 

"Okay." Kuroo whispered, eyes wide and mouth pursed, and he sat down again, this time a little closer to Akaashi. They both didn't mind their touching elbows, Akaashi too concentrated on opening his envelope without crying. His frozen hands pulled out a letter covered with tear stains and wrinkles and he cleared his throat.

 

"Koutarou..." The rest of the words didn't seem to make it past his lips, because the poor boy let out a sob that sounded like a sob and a laugh in one, and it sounded so horrid, maybe because he was finally ready to let go. And God, it hurt so much, it cut deep in his chest and it wasn't the realization Bokuto was really gone or that he simply felt like hell, he was way past that. It was because he was really about to move on. 

 

Kuroo said nothing to him.

 

Instead, the cold around Akaashi's shoulders disappeared, but not because of his jacket. He looked at his side to see Kuroo wrapping his arms around him supportively, and Akaashi smiled brightly despite the tears getting in his mouth.

 

 

 

####  LOVE HIM _FOR ME_

 

 

And they sat there for minutes that turned into hours and they talked about every good thing about Bokuto and they laughed and smiled and they remembered. It wasn't the bad kind of remembering that made you sob in grief and made your pillow wet, it was the kind of remembering that made you smile bright and love hard. The night faded, the sun came up and Akaashi and Kuroo were fucking tired, but there were so many good things and memories to recall. So they didn't stop. 

 

 

####  \- DON'T WORRY 

 

 

It was seven am when Akaashi fell asleep on Kuroo's shoulder, and that Kuroo had looked at Bokuto's memorial stone and he could've sworn he saw that boy standing there with his million dollar smile and his spiked hair and his Fukurōdani jersey with the '4' proudly displayed on it and Kuroo almost fell backwards, but then he blinked, and it was gone.

 

Kuroo let out an unbelieving laugh. He wrapped his arms around Akaashi only tighter, who snored louder in return, and Kuroo felt really warm again even though they were sitting outside in the bite of winter, but they both were too content and too young to care. 

 

In that moment, Akaashi nuzzling his face into Kuroo's shoulder, everything clicked. Life went on. They were prepared to deal with it, because things fell apart, people fell apart, no one stayed around permanently, and they had to learn how to live with it. 

 

And maybe Akaashi wasn't going to be returning Kuroo's feelings in the future (he didn't expect it from him anyway), but it didn't matter, because Akaashi was well and alive and he was letting go. Maybe not happy, but time would heal and Kuroo would be there every step of the way.

 

And maybe one day, they'd fall apart as well. 

 

But Kuroo would hold onto Akaashi.

 

_For him._

 

 

####  \- I'VE LOVED HIM ALWAYS 

#### 


End file.
